The Path of the Soul

This is the start of the affirmation in the Gateway series and although this post will not be about my Gateway meditation, I think it is quite relevant.

I'm strongly convinced now that indeed, we are more than our physical, human bodies. We are actually souls living on Earth in this life. Somehow last night this became more and more clear and based on 'how I live' here on Earth, I'm pretty sure it's true. For me it's everything, the way I act, the way I am, the way I respond to things and people, the way I feel, the way I am sensitive to others (they say I am empathic), yet so clumsy many times in my physical body, and even utterly clueless to things that should be very 'common sense', yet for me they aren't...

I have a theory. I strongly believe in reincarnation, there are plenty of cases of people who are remembering day in, day out their past lives, at least the latest one, or even more of them. I don't doubt that, there can't be a mass hysteria around that makes people (and children 2-3 years old) just remember something that never was. However, for some reason, after trying many times to remember past lives, I just can't. I do have some flashes, very short ones, but not strong memories of past lives. I think the reason for it is that I haven't been incarnated in a long time, so there is not much to remember. Also all the other things that I experience only make sense in light of this theory.

I just can't seem to fit. I'm not very comfortable in crowds and among many people. Parties don't interest me much. I actually try to avoid them, or if I have to go, I try to get out as fast as possible from there. I'm quite happy by myself. I always said that in this life I'm here to learn, and that seems to be true. I've had many different hobbies and interests during the last few years (talking with people, I seemed I have way more hobbies than others), and when I get excited by something new where I can learn something else, I let go of my previous 'hobby'. Usually this happens when I've learned the previous one quite well, so I can let go of it. I am always thirsty of learning. I went to college nights, while working in the day, not because anyone asked me to, or because of peer pressure, but because I wanted to. I just feel this craving to learn, and then I just ... do.

I do many things ackward, things that people find common sense, and should know by instinct. Very worldly things. Things that if you've had past lives recently on this Earth, you would know indeed 'instinctively'. It's like I'm still learning to do them. Also I don't seem to get these social/society games people usually play (and I'm not talking about Monopoly here). All those conventions, those power games that one should know, they all edule me somehow.

If you've seen or read Twilight (the vampire saga), I sort of feel like Bella felt in her 'human' skin. She was always clumsy, not really comfortable with who she was, she felt she didn't belong. Until she became a vampire, and she realised that's what she was ment to be, that's what she truly is. Of course, the comparison stops there. I'm not saying I should be a vampire, but that awkward feeling I do get it as well, and I feel I just don't belong like everybody else. I'm still searching for my place in this world - or another.

On the other hand, for years now I'm obsessed with the 'other world', with OBE's, astral travel, with reincarnation, with letting go of my ego, with everything spiritual. This is where I am most comfortable in, doing. I feel I'm 'home'. The other day I was walking with my husband and we walked past a cemetery. He started to go faster, to pass that place, while I wanted to go in, just to walk around, to listen to the peace and silence, to the souls. I'm sure they have lots to tell. I was not afraid.

I love listening to meditation music, to reiki music, to chants, and running after the latest top 40 is not my thing. Am I weird? Based on the social norms, I bet I am. But I don't really mind. I know now that I'm not just a body living its life until it dies, but I'm much more than that. I always felt there is something more out there than what we feel with our 5 senses, something that was always just out of my grasp. Now, even without any physical proof, I simply know there is.

Update 24 March 09

Just a late addition to this post - it occured to me today that I might be a soul that hasn't incarnated in a long time ... or I could be a young soul here on Earth.

People usually don't like hearing this about themselves, as everybody'd love to know that they are old, wise souls, but we do have to start somewhere, right? And if I am a young soul on Earth, that could also count for my awkwardness in social situations, in me being 'different' when it comes to dealing with people...