The Path of the Soul

Today I've decided to try Focus 12. Yes, I know, I'm impatient, and I should stick with Focus 10 for a while, but I can always go back to it.

For a good while nothing really happened, I didn't feel any major difference between focus 10 and 12, however when Monroe brought me back the second time to focus 12, there was just one weird sensation that I had. I was suddenly aware of my heart beating, and I mean each and every one.

It was so amazing, to actually hear and feel every single heartbeating and quite strongly so too. I'm not sure though if that's what I was supposed to feel, lol. Monroe was saying that Focus 12 is an expanded awareness, however I kept feeling I'm very strongly in my head and in my body. Not like when you're grounded, in normal ways. I felt I was really there. I don't remember having ever felt quite like this before. It was almost spooky, but in a good way. Sometimes, when I was breathing out, the heartbeating was so strong, that I felt my upper body pushing back, like getting a kick-back with each beat, sort of like a ripple effect...

I didn't remember if I felt this also with focus 10 or not, so when I went back to focus 10, I checked it out. Basically I did feel the heart beating, but not each heartbeat and not as strongly as with focus 12. It seemed as if my heart was beating calmer.

I'll go check around on forums to see what effects focus 12 has on people, I wanted to post though first my first impressions, which are not biased by others experiences.

I've just finished my third session, I used the same track as I used yesterday, and here are my findings.

First of all, it is now 2 pm, this is the time I could meditate today. Plus I wanted to try meditation at a different time in the day, to see if there are any differences, since usually I meditate after 6 pm.

This time I didn't have that strong numbness in my hands, all went well, I got quite fast 'under'. One of my problems usually with meditating is that if I hear a loud noise, or my heart skips a beat for some reason, I get jolted out very fast from meditation. Not so today. I heard a car hoot twice, and although it was loud, I didn't react at all. Also I had twice get this 'heart skips a beat' feeling, but contrary to the past, I went right back in the meditative state. Quite nice feeling to be able to continue the meditation. Which was again, very short, even though it lasted almost 40 minutes. Not sure why I feel it is so short, but I really wish it lasted at least one hour!

At some point, when Monroe said a few times 'Focus 10', 'Focus 1o', I had a strange feeling like my whole body was floating, and just once lightly rocking back and forth like on a swing. The whole thing must have lasted just a few second. It was like I had no chair under me. I couldn't recreate this feeling though during this session again. Not exactly sure what it was, but it was quite a nice feeling. I think I never felt so light before in my life!

And finally two after-effects. I dressed quite well as I knew that the body temperate goes down during the meditation, yet still, I feel quite cold right now. And I'm extremely sleepy. I'm yawning as if it were time to go to bed. And it's only 2 pm, there's a long way to go until bed time. I don't remember having this sleepy feeling after my session yesterday. I think I'll go take a nap after lunch.

I absolutely have no ideas if these are feelings I should feel - experience or not, but again, I'll write down everything, each detail, maybe a pattern of sorts will emerge eventually?

Day 2. Came home from work and just to start the weekend nicely, I decided to continue with this project.

I had some worries from before that I was sure this meditation session will not be able to calm down, but I was wrong! I sat down, put on the headphones, put all the worries in the box and followed the instructions. I have to say, I really enjoyed this session. Hemi synch starts to grow on me. So how exactly did this session go and what did I experience?

Well, for starters I was sure nothing will happen, and I won't feel anything special. After a few minutes though, my both hands, which were with palms down on my laps, got very numb. And I mean so numb that I got for a second scared, as I didn't feel them anymore! Or at times I had a feeling that they were palm face up! Honestly, I don't think I've ever experienced such a 'loss' feeling in my limbs . I actually got nervous and a giggle escaped me. But then I continued. Eventually all my body got in a nice relaxed state, and my hands got back to the normal relaxed way along with the rest of my body. Why at first my two hands got so very numb, it's still a mystery.

Another thing I've noticed is that worries, and random thoughts still came my way, of course, however they were more lightly tugging at my mind, not really intruding. They just came and went.

Third, it was the very first time that I actually kept through a sitting for close to 40 minutes. With every traditional meditation until now, my maximum limit was around 20 minutes. After that I was getting edgy, antsy or simply woke up from the 'trance' on my own. Here, when the voice told me that after a count of 10 I will be wide awake, I was wondering where did the time go, and I wanted it to last longer. I'm still deeply puzzled about this feeling that I had, and the fact that the time went so fast by!

Finally, once I fully woke up, I remembered the acute worries I was having before, but I was (and still am) very calm, as if they could not touch me anymore. Even an email that I had to reply to (regarding one of my worries) I managed to reply very calmly and sorted out everything unexpectedly easily. It's been over 10 minutes that the session ended and I am still totally calm, as if a blanket got thrown over my worries. Absolutely wonderful way to continue the day. I haven't felt myself so out of worry in a long time. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that I ignore everything at the moment, what it means is that right now, I can deal with stuff much calmer and in a more relaxed fashion. Let's see how long this feeling will last...

All in all, I loved this session. I have no idea what I was supposed to feel, to experience, but there you have it, my personal diary for this session, as it went for me.

So far I haven't had any luck with binaural beats as meditation, so I decided to change that, since I know there are loads of people out there that successfully use these to get to an altered state.

The Gateway Experience from Hemi Sync is "a life-enhancing program dedicated to the development, exploration and application of expanded states of awareness.", and it is used a lot in producing out of body (OBE) or astral travel experiences. Since I am very much interested in OBE's and I've even had a false start once, but no real OBE yet, I will give it a try.

The first track of the first CD, 'Wave 1 - Discovery - Orientation" lasts for about 30 minutes and it is a very enjoyable way to easy into it. Unlike some other programs where you simply listen and drift away, this program expects you to work as well. Breathing exercises, imagination, opening and closing your eyes at given times, these are all required here. You are put to work.

So how did my very first session go?

Well, I'm not quite sure. Truth is, I am not sure what was I supposed to feel or experience. As a first, it was nothing special. I got in a nice relaxing state, my body got relaxed as well, but my mind was really awake. Much more so than with traditional meditation. Also the exercises didn't let me 'drift away', as opening and closing my eyes based on breath in and out, was a requirement. But maybe that's what is supposed to do. No wonder that this program introduces the 'mind awake, body asleep' notion, that's exactly how I was feeling throughout. No phasing out here.
After finishing the exercise, I also felt fresher, not as sleepy and drowsy as I usually feel after regular meditation. Now if this is a good or not so good sign, I have no idea.

I'll keep on with this program, will use the same track a few more times, until I am familiar with it and then can move on, and will record here my experiences (if any), or lack of. Whatever comes. I'll give it a try.