The Path of the Soul

I feel I've neglected my spiritual practices enough so I've decided to get back into meditation. I am currently testing two different types of meditation, the original OM CD by Tom Carey and Dick Sutphen's Ultra Depth Hypnosis. So far I find that Dick Sutphen's voice reaches me more than the OM bells, I tend to respond better to it, so I will just use this for now. I know it is a past life regression CD, but it has some good meditation tracks on it and I want to start small again, and take it one step at a time...

Also I will start again with my out of body (or astral projection) exercises in the night when going to bed, before falling off to sleep. It's a pity that I stopped actually as I was making some good headway. I got a few times to the state of vibrations earlier on, and now, I have to start it all over again. Oh well, it's true what they say, better later than never...

I have a lovely old neighbor who is in the habit of sitting out in his garden (which is just next to our bedroom window) and around 6-7 am and have his radio blasting on the news. I've tried many things, talking to him (worked temporarily), even put foam ear plugs in my hears (didn't work as I woke up with pain in my ears), left the air conditioning on in the morning, closed the window...I'm at my wits end, really. He's just one of those annoying neighbors that are old and simply don't care about their own surroundings and neighbors.

Anyway, I was sitting in the bed this afternoon reading Psychic Discoveries Behind The Iron Curtain by Sheila Ostrander and Lynn Schroeder - an amazing book about the many different psychic experiments in Russia during the Communist era - when I heard again the radio blasting fully in my year...I was actually reading about this guy who was explaining how to trained himself to become psychic. He was basically 'commanding' people to do this, do that, and of course at first it didn't work, but he kept at it until the people really started touching their foreheads, or waving away a non-existent fly from their ears. While reading the book, I remembered my previous attempts at meditation, relaxation and astral projection and since I had about an hour to kill, I started to relax my body. After a few minutes I said a couple of times 'close the radio', 'switch off the radio', I even said it in Greek. Soon I listened to something weird...silence. The guy switched off his radio and he was nowhere to be seen, he went inside the house.

Now of course, I don't say that this had anything to do with my meager psychic attempts on his brain :D But nevertheless for I moment I was grinning from ear to ear. Needless to say, I felt very smug.

After that I continued with my AP experiment - nothing happened except I became very sleepy, but it was interesting, nevertheless.

I haven't really been doing any spiritual or psychic work during the last year as 'real life' took over and I had lots of things to deal with, but I will start meditating again and I will start my AP exercises again. I've just realized today during this afternoon 'experiment' that I was actually missing them...

Nothing so glamorous as what the title says, but it did give me a few goosebumps nevertheless.

I was in the middle of Reincarnation by Roy Stemman and also watching with an eye one of the funny episodes of Boston Legal. I'm not sure which season it is or which episode (we're a bit behind the US when it comes to broadcasting the latest), but it was when the two main characters were sitting at their usual balcony spot with their usual cigars and drinks in their hands. So Allen asks suddenly Danny 'Do you believe in reincarnation?' and then they have a short - silly - discussion on the subject. I got goosebumps.

I know that these kinds of coincidences happen quite often with everybody, but let me just say that I haven't touched a book on reincarnation in almost a year now. However I just felt like suddenly wanting to read on the subject again, and this is not like a fantasy or romance novel that you pick up whenever you feel like. Thus it was rather a big thing for me to pick up a book on this very subject.

Now is this coincidence or synchronicity? Goosebumps they were...

If you're like me interested in past lives, I'm sure you've been eagerly waiting for this new TV show called Past Life.

The whole issue of past life and reincarnation is quite divided and muddled up in the Western world, and while a larger number of people start to believe in 'this stuff' as they call it, there are still loads of those that believe that all this is just quackery and Eastern mythology, but nothing based on facts. Even though Ian Stevenson was a Westerner who is maybe the biggest authority, the biggest source of scientific proof on the subject, still, past life is in many places mocked by so many.

So this is why I've been also looking forward to this new show that comes from the US.

Well the show is interesting, obviously quite a lot dramatized to captivate the audience and from all that I've studied on the subject during the last few years, this is very seldom the way a PL memory is brought to surface. However, I've read about cases of spontaneous PL regression, so these types of cases being more dramatic in nature, I guess they formed the bases of this drama series as well.

I have to say though that it's quite a realistic show (many people find it actually boring), which is good. While obviously the subject has been largely dramatized and enhanced to fit the TV screen, the cases seem real enough and are actually plausible.

What I like most about this series is the fact that it brings more awareness to the subject in a rather natural, realistic way, without too much focus on the 'supernatural' aspect.

I do hope that the show will not be discontinued just because the 'wow' factor is less than say in the Ghost Whisperer or Supernatural.

I've been away from the whole scene for over a year now due to other real life commitments (career change, working on my own right now) but I'm thinking of finding my old Om CD and doing a few past life regressions again, I kind of miss it all.

I've already had some practice with remote viewing with some degree of success a couple of years ago, so I've decided to try out this particular track, see what it was all about. I've realised a while ago that I didn't need to go through every single track in sequential order, as for example pretty much everything else after the introduction to Wave 2, starts out again from Focus 10, which is great.
So here are my perceptions, for what they are worth. I wonder how can I get confirmation of these...
Number 149721
A person dressed in black pants and blouse (or shirt) is talking to his wife, they are in the kitchen, she is busy doing something, and they are just standing and talking. Kids are running around them and the wife tells one of the kids to slow down. Then they just continue talking. I didn't feel a sense of urgency, or fight, it was simply a discussion of stuff to take care of. Regular, domestic life. The floor where the kids are running in has parquet.
Then I saw a letter/envelope falling down.

Not sure what this all means. If it does mean something, it will be unraveled in its own time. Now lets see if I get contacted by this person the way I conveyed the message...

People keep asking if synchronicities really exist and how do they actually happen? Well, here is a real example that happened to me today.

1. I've received from a friend a great set of CD on NLP by Igor Ledochowski. I've never been so far exposed to NLP (I've heard about it, of course), or to Igor L. Out of curiosity and because I've seen so many good reviews, I've started listening to the CDs yesterday afternoon. To be honest, I got so hooked, that today, as a public holiday, I've spent most of my day in my room listening to CDs without to stop. A good couple of hours. The guy is brilliant, knows his stuff, and is extremely funny too. I've just decided that I'll learn at least the basics of NLP.

2. I've taped the latest Mentalist tv series (I'm currently hooked on it, I'm sure the main actor has something to do with it *grins*), and what do you know, what the main subject of this particular episode was? Yep, indeed. NLP, hypnosis and the power of suggestion. Of course I watched it with strong interest, and I had all the time in the back of my head the set of CDs that I just listened to.

3. I've checked my wishlist at Bookmooch.com, the international book trading site I'm a long time member of, and what book did I just see appear that I could 'mooch' (ask for a trade)? The title is: Introducing NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming by Joseph O'Connor.

Now if these seemingly unrelated events that just 'happened' to me within a day are not a major synchronicity that means something, then I don't know what they are. Sometimes, when something in the water quacks and flips its wings, it is, indeed, a duck, even if you might think it's Loch Ness instead.

As for what do these synchronicities mean in my life? I'm not sure, but of what I am sure is that I'll now start learning NLP and hypnosis. Taking baby steps, learning the basics, one step at a time. I'll post back, of course, with what happens next.

Saturday afternoon, a bit after lunch, I've decided to have a quick nap. I don't think I've actually slept anything, at some point I remember hearing a light snoring (must have been me?) and woke up. I was lying face down, on my stomach, with one arm under me.

As soon as I woke up from that light snoring (still not sure if it was me, or just noise that I heard in my subconscious), I've decided to try the breathing technique, so I breathed in and out a couple of times, slowly, trying to feel my body go heavy on the outbreaths, and suddenly I felt something like vibrations, more like small tremors coming from my heart area and expanding around my chest and upper body. It was a very light feeling which started to increase, but I got excited, as I've never felt this before, so the vibrations left as fast as they came.

I was so disappointed and by then completely awake, so I knew there was no use in continuing the exercise at this point. Yet this is a step forward, as it's the first time I consciously felt these tiny vibrations. They started very lightly, like when you are on a train shaking along with it, and they were increasing bit by bit. I really wish I didn't get excited at the moment, when I realised what was happening, as now I might have missed my chance at my very first conscious OBE...

Today I've decided to try Focus 12. Yes, I know, I'm impatient, and I should stick with Focus 10 for a while, but I can always go back to it.

For a good while nothing really happened, I didn't feel any major difference between focus 10 and 12, however when Monroe brought me back the second time to focus 12, there was just one weird sensation that I had. I was suddenly aware of my heart beating, and I mean each and every one.

It was so amazing, to actually hear and feel every single heartbeating and quite strongly so too. I'm not sure though if that's what I was supposed to feel, lol. Monroe was saying that Focus 12 is an expanded awareness, however I kept feeling I'm very strongly in my head and in my body. Not like when you're grounded, in normal ways. I felt I was really there. I don't remember having ever felt quite like this before. It was almost spooky, but in a good way. Sometimes, when I was breathing out, the heartbeating was so strong, that I felt my upper body pushing back, like getting a kick-back with each beat, sort of like a ripple effect...

I didn't remember if I felt this also with focus 10 or not, so when I went back to focus 10, I checked it out. Basically I did feel the heart beating, but not each heartbeat and not as strongly as with focus 12. It seemed as if my heart was beating calmer.

I'll go check around on forums to see what effects focus 12 has on people, I wanted to post though first my first impressions, which are not biased by others experiences.

I was reading some posts at the Astral Pulse forum, and came across a thread discussing another technique for OBE, called the Vehram Method. The discussion was quite exciting around it, so I've decided to check it out, bought it and gave it a try. It was only $10, so it won't break my bank if it doesn't work.

The program basically advocates reaching an OBE using 3 main stages. The first stage is to place the body in the proper hypnagogic state. I've started with this two nights ago. Basically the first step involves auto-programming of the body to wake up at given times. Once you awakened during the night and you're still groggy and ready to go back to sleep, it's very easy apparently to get into hypnagogic state, meaning mind awake and body asleep.

Well for me it seems that this step worked quite nicely. Both nights I tried this, I woke up not once, but 2-3 times, lol. I slept very lightly throughout both nights, and funnily enough, I was not sleepy at all during the next day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you actually program your body to wake up, rather than being woken up suddenly by an external factor, so the body uses its internal alarm clock to put itself in the waking position. When I went to sleep I used strong cues and feelings for this. I put myself in a state of light alert (re-living the feeling that I used to have whenever I had to catch a plane early in the morning, meaning that I had to wake up in the night, usually around 2 am. The fear of missing the plane is a strong motivator indeed!).

I managed to achieve this waking up both nights I tried it. What didn't work so far is step 2, trying to bring my body into hypnagogic state. The more I tried, the more I became wide awake and had trouble getting closer to falling back asleep. Maybe instead of really trying, I will have to simply let myself go back to sleep. But then the problem is to retain the consciousness of the mind, while my body does go back to sleep. Oh troubles...I'll have to sort this one out somehow...

What I really liked about this book is the way it was in detailed explained the process of going into hypnagogic state, of how one should really feel. I've never read anything like this before. Everything else is usually dry, telling the facts, the mechanics of it. Here you could actually feel as you were reading along. You know exactly what you're supposed to feel when you're getting there using the trick the author describes in the book. Now that step 1 is done and I could achieve it twice in a row, I will try out the next step and will report back.

Note: after posting this, I've checked out the thread on Astral Pulse about the system. This sentence caught my eyes:

"Due to an intense desire to practice the system, I am waking up more than 5 times a night now, with no signs of sleep deprivation."

Yes, I think I'm on the right track here...

This is the start of the affirmation in the Gateway series and although this post will not be about my Gateway meditation, I think it is quite relevant.

I'm strongly convinced now that indeed, we are more than our physical, human bodies. We are actually souls living on Earth in this life. Somehow last night this became more and more clear and based on 'how I live' here on Earth, I'm pretty sure it's true. For me it's everything, the way I act, the way I am, the way I respond to things and people, the way I feel, the way I am sensitive to others (they say I am empathic), yet so clumsy many times in my physical body, and even utterly clueless to things that should be very 'common sense', yet for me they aren't...

I have a theory. I strongly believe in reincarnation, there are plenty of cases of people who are remembering day in, day out their past lives, at least the latest one, or even more of them. I don't doubt that, there can't be a mass hysteria around that makes people (and children 2-3 years old) just remember something that never was. However, for some reason, after trying many times to remember past lives, I just can't. I do have some flashes, very short ones, but not strong memories of past lives. I think the reason for it is that I haven't been incarnated in a long time, so there is not much to remember. Also all the other things that I experience only make sense in light of this theory.

I just can't seem to fit. I'm not very comfortable in crowds and among many people. Parties don't interest me much. I actually try to avoid them, or if I have to go, I try to get out as fast as possible from there. I'm quite happy by myself. I always said that in this life I'm here to learn, and that seems to be true. I've had many different hobbies and interests during the last few years (talking with people, I seemed I have way more hobbies than others), and when I get excited by something new where I can learn something else, I let go of my previous 'hobby'. Usually this happens when I've learned the previous one quite well, so I can let go of it. I am always thirsty of learning. I went to college nights, while working in the day, not because anyone asked me to, or because of peer pressure, but because I wanted to. I just feel this craving to learn, and then I just ... do.

I do many things ackward, things that people find common sense, and should know by instinct. Very worldly things. Things that if you've had past lives recently on this Earth, you would know indeed 'instinctively'. It's like I'm still learning to do them. Also I don't seem to get these social/society games people usually play (and I'm not talking about Monopoly here). All those conventions, those power games that one should know, they all edule me somehow.

If you've seen or read Twilight (the vampire saga), I sort of feel like Bella felt in her 'human' skin. She was always clumsy, not really comfortable with who she was, she felt she didn't belong. Until she became a vampire, and she realised that's what she was ment to be, that's what she truly is. Of course, the comparison stops there. I'm not saying I should be a vampire, but that awkward feeling I do get it as well, and I feel I just don't belong like everybody else. I'm still searching for my place in this world - or another.

On the other hand, for years now I'm obsessed with the 'other world', with OBE's, astral travel, with reincarnation, with letting go of my ego, with everything spiritual. This is where I am most comfortable in, doing. I feel I'm 'home'. The other day I was walking with my husband and we walked past a cemetery. He started to go faster, to pass that place, while I wanted to go in, just to walk around, to listen to the peace and silence, to the souls. I'm sure they have lots to tell. I was not afraid.

I love listening to meditation music, to reiki music, to chants, and running after the latest top 40 is not my thing. Am I weird? Based on the social norms, I bet I am. But I don't really mind. I know now that I'm not just a body living its life until it dies, but I'm much more than that. I always felt there is something more out there than what we feel with our 5 senses, something that was always just out of my grasp. Now, even without any physical proof, I simply know there is.

Update 24 March 09

Just a late addition to this post - it occured to me today that I might be a soul that hasn't incarnated in a long time ... or I could be a young soul here on Earth.

People usually don't like hearing this about themselves, as everybody'd love to know that they are old, wise souls, but we do have to start somewhere, right? And if I am a young soul on Earth, that could also count for my awkwardness in social situations, in me being 'different' when it comes to dealing with people...

I've just finished my third session, I used the same track as I used yesterday, and here are my findings.

First of all, it is now 2 pm, this is the time I could meditate today. Plus I wanted to try meditation at a different time in the day, to see if there are any differences, since usually I meditate after 6 pm.

This time I didn't have that strong numbness in my hands, all went well, I got quite fast 'under'. One of my problems usually with meditating is that if I hear a loud noise, or my heart skips a beat for some reason, I get jolted out very fast from meditation. Not so today. I heard a car hoot twice, and although it was loud, I didn't react at all. Also I had twice get this 'heart skips a beat' feeling, but contrary to the past, I went right back in the meditative state. Quite nice feeling to be able to continue the meditation. Which was again, very short, even though it lasted almost 40 minutes. Not sure why I feel it is so short, but I really wish it lasted at least one hour!

At some point, when Monroe said a few times 'Focus 10', 'Focus 1o', I had a strange feeling like my whole body was floating, and just once lightly rocking back and forth like on a swing. The whole thing must have lasted just a few second. It was like I had no chair under me. I couldn't recreate this feeling though during this session again. Not exactly sure what it was, but it was quite a nice feeling. I think I never felt so light before in my life!

And finally two after-effects. I dressed quite well as I knew that the body temperate goes down during the meditation, yet still, I feel quite cold right now. And I'm extremely sleepy. I'm yawning as if it were time to go to bed. And it's only 2 pm, there's a long way to go until bed time. I don't remember having this sleepy feeling after my session yesterday. I think I'll go take a nap after lunch.

I absolutely have no ideas if these are feelings I should feel - experience or not, but again, I'll write down everything, each detail, maybe a pattern of sorts will emerge eventually?

Day 2. Came home from work and just to start the weekend nicely, I decided to continue with this project.

I had some worries from before that I was sure this meditation session will not be able to calm down, but I was wrong! I sat down, put on the headphones, put all the worries in the box and followed the instructions. I have to say, I really enjoyed this session. Hemi synch starts to grow on me. So how exactly did this session go and what did I experience?

Well, for starters I was sure nothing will happen, and I won't feel anything special. After a few minutes though, my both hands, which were with palms down on my laps, got very numb. And I mean so numb that I got for a second scared, as I didn't feel them anymore! Or at times I had a feeling that they were palm face up! Honestly, I don't think I've ever experienced such a 'loss' feeling in my limbs . I actually got nervous and a giggle escaped me. But then I continued. Eventually all my body got in a nice relaxed state, and my hands got back to the normal relaxed way along with the rest of my body. Why at first my two hands got so very numb, it's still a mystery.

Another thing I've noticed is that worries, and random thoughts still came my way, of course, however they were more lightly tugging at my mind, not really intruding. They just came and went.

Third, it was the very first time that I actually kept through a sitting for close to 40 minutes. With every traditional meditation until now, my maximum limit was around 20 minutes. After that I was getting edgy, antsy or simply woke up from the 'trance' on my own. Here, when the voice told me that after a count of 10 I will be wide awake, I was wondering where did the time go, and I wanted it to last longer. I'm still deeply puzzled about this feeling that I had, and the fact that the time went so fast by!

Finally, once I fully woke up, I remembered the acute worries I was having before, but I was (and still am) very calm, as if they could not touch me anymore. Even an email that I had to reply to (regarding one of my worries) I managed to reply very calmly and sorted out everything unexpectedly easily. It's been over 10 minutes that the session ended and I am still totally calm, as if a blanket got thrown over my worries. Absolutely wonderful way to continue the day. I haven't felt myself so out of worry in a long time. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that I ignore everything at the moment, what it means is that right now, I can deal with stuff much calmer and in a more relaxed fashion. Let's see how long this feeling will last...

All in all, I loved this session. I have no idea what I was supposed to feel, to experience, but there you have it, my personal diary for this session, as it went for me.

So far I haven't had any luck with binaural beats as meditation, so I decided to change that, since I know there are loads of people out there that successfully use these to get to an altered state.

The Gateway Experience from Hemi Sync is "a life-enhancing program dedicated to the development, exploration and application of expanded states of awareness.", and it is used a lot in producing out of body (OBE) or astral travel experiences. Since I am very much interested in OBE's and I've even had a false start once, but no real OBE yet, I will give it a try.

The first track of the first CD, 'Wave 1 - Discovery - Orientation" lasts for about 30 minutes and it is a very enjoyable way to easy into it. Unlike some other programs where you simply listen and drift away, this program expects you to work as well. Breathing exercises, imagination, opening and closing your eyes at given times, these are all required here. You are put to work.

So how did my very first session go?

Well, I'm not quite sure. Truth is, I am not sure what was I supposed to feel or experience. As a first, it was nothing special. I got in a nice relaxing state, my body got relaxed as well, but my mind was really awake. Much more so than with traditional meditation. Also the exercises didn't let me 'drift away', as opening and closing my eyes based on breath in and out, was a requirement. But maybe that's what is supposed to do. No wonder that this program introduces the 'mind awake, body asleep' notion, that's exactly how I was feeling throughout. No phasing out here.
After finishing the exercise, I also felt fresher, not as sleepy and drowsy as I usually feel after regular meditation. Now if this is a good or not so good sign, I have no idea.

I'll keep on with this program, will use the same track a few more times, until I am familiar with it and then can move on, and will record here my experiences (if any), or lack of. Whatever comes. I'll give it a try.

I've decided to try out the White Light Meditation because I am already familiar with the soothing voice of Dick Sutphen, and he has a nice calming effect on me (for example Brian Weiss's voice does nothing to get me into a meditative, altered state).

This is a really nice suite of 2 meditations, which after focusing on calming your mind and body, each gives you a set of positive affirmations that you can take away from the session, feeling healed, content and cleansed. Something weird happened, however during one of my sessions with this meditation.

At some point, when my body was quite numb and my mind quite so as well, I had a flash of a male person sitting on a bench looking at me. It was so out of ordinary, since there was no prior thought about benches, parks, or people, or anything similar. Of course, I recognized the face, which I know was simply of my mind trying to rationalize it in a way it can process it, so that means really nothing. However that sudden strong image of that person there, and the strong jolt of electricity I felt right then was very real. Unfortunately the few times when I get such a jolt of electricity through my body, or suddenly my mind goes awake because it realizes something has happened (when my heart skips a beat in realization), I usually wake up from the trance, and I have to stop the meditation, as I'm no longer 'there'. Sadly, this is what happened to me once again.

Getting jolted out of meditation is not fun at all. It leaves you with a drowsy, disoriented and grumpy feeling like when you're awakened from a deep sleep suddenly. I'll have to learn to control my impulses and emotions better, so next time when such an encounter happens, I will remain in my altered state and do not get jolted out of it needlessly. Maybe then I will learn to see and interpret the images that keep coming at me, which right now are so short in duration, since my mind doesn't want to let them in...

It's been a while since I tried a pl regression, so tonight I decided to give Regression to Times and Places by Brian Weiss a go. This is one that I hadn't had any success before with.

It took me a while to get relaxed, however eventually I found myself in the garden facing the mirror. Once I stepped into it, I really got relaxed and only when I came out of the exercise I realized that I didn't think of the outside world at all during those 20 or so minutes.

Just a couple of things flashed in front of my eyes. Around 1800 a young woman in a white silky wedding dress (I'm assuming it was wedding dress). Very tight at the waist. Looking out of the window I could see forest, so it must have been a sort of castle, or at least a big house. Quite affluent family from the way I felt. I went down a lot of steps, saw a portrait of a woman with the hair up in sort of a bun (?). Forwarding through life, I found (myself?) being older, around 50, lying on a couch. I think I must have been quite ill. Most probably close to the end of that life. Relatively careless life, but relatively short too.

Next stage around 200 years earlier, I just had a glimpse of a teen or young man, quite poor, dirty, surrounded by a few people on horses. Didn't look good. I didn't stay here long to see what happened.

500 BC or something similar, I saw an Egyptian guy with straight black hair, cut around the face all straight. Will try to find a picture of the haircut see if it matches anything I saw there.

I'm actually surprised that I got that much out of the experiment, I assumed it to be a total flop. I'll try Brian Weiss more, somehow I'm starting to like his voice, nice and soothing.